Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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