Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
