11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
