Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
