I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
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i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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