I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize