I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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