The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child