Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
I told him it was alright.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one