she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time