Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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