I wish I only lived at night.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
