Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
