Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
