Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
