You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
