AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
