New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
