stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
false alarm, still single
Randomize
