apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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