i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
