I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
