Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
