oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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