but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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