i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize