Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed