They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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