last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
