I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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