that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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