life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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