Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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