I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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