Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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