i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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