What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
