just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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