Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
