so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
