Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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