I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i believe in u and ur pee
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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