your room smells of hookers.
And success
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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