I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
