How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
