i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
