i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am mentally ready for anal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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