I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
