She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
