I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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