The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
