took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
