seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
