I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
