it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
