I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
