I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
