pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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