Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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