we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need moral support for this bender
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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