my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
