Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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