He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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