True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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