This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
