Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
