I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
